Cultivating a Healthy Kindset

kindness, \ ˈkīnd-nəs/ noun: the quality or state of being gentle and considerate.

Synonym of kindness: grace.

Have you ever heard someone say, “you can never be too kind”, but then watch someone you know go above and beyond the definition of being kind? Me too. Nicholas Haines, a kindness ambassador quoted in an article in Breathe Magazine (highly recommend, by the way), says that people who have been described as “too kind” are actually “not being kind enough.” Stay with me. He continues to say that “more accurately, their kindness is out of balance.” Intriguing thought? I think so.

Let me introduce to you the term “kindset”. Instead of striving to be more kind, we should be striving towards developing a healthy kindset. A healthy kindset is like developing a healthy mindset, but it’s focused on the kindness factor. It’s learning how to develop a healthy balance of kindness to yourself, others, and the planet. Cool right? Nicholas mentions the way to start cultivating a healthy kindset is by “raising awareness of the distribution of kindness and identify where they commonly go out of balance.” It’s no easy task, but it is certainly a worthwhile one.

Nicholas proposes three questions you can ask yourself on the trek to cultivating a kindset mentality:

Is this kind to me?
Is this kind to others?
Is this kind to the world?

That’s it. These questions might seem simple, but they are thought-provoking and encourage you to dig deep into your motives in practicing kindness. We all struggle with balancing these three acts, but which one we struggle with varies from person to person. For me, I struggle most with practicing kindness to myself. As a recovering perfectionist, kind acts to myself, such as thinking loving thoughts and words or slowing down when my body begs to rest, were always put on the back burner.

I expected a lot out of myself and wouldn’t take “done” as good enough. It had to be perfect. I walked a hard, long road. While it affected many things, practicing poor self-kindness impacted my health the most and I experienced setback after setback.

You may have heard of this thing called the mind to body connection. It is real and it is very important to understand why this relationship plays a pivotal role in your health. You can do all the healthy physical things – eat nutrient-dense foods, staying active, getting enough sleep, etc. However, if you go slack on your mental hygiene - stress management, meditation, breathwork, thinking kind thoughts of oneself- the physical stuff doesn’t really matter. We need to take care of our bodies from a physical, mental, and spiritual standpoint. They go in tandem.

According to a study carried out at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, practicing kindness can slow the aging process because you’re implementing more positivity which is life-giving to your brain. This makes sense! Have you ever paid attention to how your body responds in a “fight or flight”, aka stressful situation? Typically, your muscles tense, your breathing goes shallow, and your heart rate picks up. Your body does this to protect itself and it’s needed in those situations. In this day and age, with all the noise and demands and “busyness”, our bodies are becoming increasingly accustomed to fight or flight. That takes a toll on the body.

Try this out- next time you feel stressed, practice taking deep breaths and thinking positive words or phrases. You can repeat a mantra of your choosing or a positive phrase over and over (feel free to say it out loud!). Notice how your body changes from tense and ready to bolt to calm and steady. Pay attention to your breathing, too. The mind is a powerful thing. Treat it well.

According to BrainTap, there are a handful of other ways practicing kindness benefits the body.

builds up the immune system

releases endorphins to the brain which reduces pain in the body

lessens stress throughout the body

improves mood by stimulating the release of serotonin, producing calm and happy feels

stimulates dopamine in the brain which ignites the pleasure centers

improves your self-esteem

increases bonding with others

There’s nothing to lose by practicing kindness! Moreover, building up your kindset mind is addictive. It makes you feel good and it spreads to those around you. You and I both know the world needs more of it.

I know I stalled my body from healing from adrenal fatigue, thyroid dysfunction, digestive issues, etc. because I wasn’t practicing much self-kindness. I was hard on myself, critical, and demanding. My body wasn’t responding as it used to and that frustrated me beyond anything. I wouldn’t slow down. I wouldn’t rest and re-evaluate. I wouldn’t take “good enough” as “good enough”. Man, how I wish my younger self would have understood the power of self-kindness and compassion, and what cultivating a healthy kindset could do.

I could dive into ways to cultivate a healthy kindset for others and the world, but today I am sharing ways to practice more self-kindness. Here they are:

Relax with a cup of coffee or tea- whichever brings you warmth to your heart and feels good to you

When you look at yourself, say loving words and think positive thoughts.
- We aren’t meant to be chiseled like the statue of David. If we were, God would have designed us that way. Then we'd all be the same and who wants that? Let’s embrace our indifferences!
Treat yourself to a nourishing lunch, spa day, or walk in the park/ on the trail.
Practice saying "yes" to only what lights you up.
Invest in you, knowing that by doing so you are building a stronger, more resilient you.
- You can do more when you're at your best.
Walk away from things and people that drain your cup instead of filling it up.

As Tim McGraw so pleasantly puts it- “always stay humble and kind”. Amen brother. As I’ve said before, take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Truth- you can’t pour from an empty cup. By developing a healthy kindset, setting boundaries, and giving yourself grace, you can pour into others and refill. Sounds lovely, does it not?

I’ll take a big ol’ pot of self-kindness for the table, thank you very much.